Picture this… you go out on a first date with a lovely lady. You have a great time. She seems to enjoy it too. Everything goes really well.
But, for some reason, you never hear from her again. She barely talks to you when you call… or she completely ignores your calls and text messages.
And, the chance of a second date is nowhere in sight. When you try to set something up, she always comes up with some lame excuse about being too busy, too tired… or (again) she just ignores you.
What the heck happened?!?
If anything like this has ever happened to you, you’re not alone. Most guys go through the same thing.
And, they’re left sitting there, scratching their head, wondering what went wrong… especially when that first date seemed to be fine.
If you haven’t already figured it out, there are a lot of “first date” mistakes that you just cannot recover from. Your date may sit through the entire date, just to be nice or polite, even if you made one of those deadly mistakes. But, it does not mean that she will be willing to go out with you ever again. Especially if you made more than one of those mistakes.
There are a lot of do’s and don’ts floating around out there, about first dates. (Entire books can be written on the subject.) However, you could do almost everything right and still blow it… by making just one of the “deadly” mistakes.
So, let’s focus on the big ones… the major no-no’s to avoid during that first date… especially if you want to see her again, and take things further…
No. 1: Don’t wing it
The amount of time and thought you put into a first date is seen by a woman as a measure of the amount of time and thought you’re putting into her. In other words, if you just wing it, she will take that to mean that you’re just “winging it” with her… that you don’t really care much about her, or that you don’t value her enough to put any thought into planning the date.
So, when it comes to first dates, you can’t just throw something together at the last minute, if at all possible. If the date seems unimportant to you, she will assume that she is unimportant to you.
This also means that you should probably stay away from the ol’ stand-by “dinner and a movie” setup… unless you’re pretty sure that’s what she wants and/or is most comfortable with.
If you already know what she’s into, which is always a good idea, you can use that knowledge as inspiration to come up with something. Or, just look through the local papers – or the Internet – to find out what’s going on in your area that would be fun and comfortable.
Also, when you’re planning the first date, plan most (or all) of it yourself. Don’t depend on her to help you figure out where you should go, what you should do, what you should eat etc…
Most women want a man who is confident, capable and can take charge of the situation. And, the first date is one of your first opportunities to show her that. If you depend on her to plan stuff or even help you figure out all the details, she will assume that you’ll be that way in all other areas of life too.
No. 2: Don’t go crazy
Not winging the date does not mean that you should go too crazy either. Don’t show up with a rose bush and a mariachi band. Keep in mind that this is only your first date, not a 6-month anniversary. So, don’t do something extravagant and over-the-top for the first date. Or you may just end up scaring her off (read: you may never see her again.)
Are you confused yet? Good, that means you’re paying attention. Let me explain…
Putting some time and thought into planning the date does not mean that you have to spend hundreds of dollars or do something over-the-top or overly romantic. It just means that you gave it some thought (which will relay to her that you gave her some thought.) Putting some thought into the date can be as simple as picking a sushi place because you remembered her mentioning how much she loved sushi. It just means that you’re paying attention, and that you’re at least somewhat interested in her and in spending some time with her.
So, no crazy stuff…no going over-board. But, no winging it either.
No. 3: Keep your eyes on the ball
When you’re out on that first date, and even on any future dates with her, keep your eye on the ball. Hint: She is the ball.
That means, do not get distracted by the other “women” around you. Do not give other women too much attention, do not stare at them, and, do not flirt with them. Especially, do not flirt with the waitress/server or help, wherever you are… even if they try to flirt with you. Be polite but non-flirty. This does not mean that you should keep your eyes glued to your date at all times. That would be creepy. However, make her your main focus for the evening…from the moment you meet her (or pick her up) for the date, till the moment you part ways at the end of the date. You can look at other people around you, including other women. You can be friendly with them. You can even talk to them a little, depending on the situation.
But, don’t show any romantic or sexual interest towards them, of any kind. If you do, your date could very easily be insulted, made to feel unimportant, or worse… she may think you’re just another guy, with no real standards, who will jump at any female that’s breathing. Even if your date was going to consider you as a casual thing or a “friends with benefits” potential, she could still change her mind if she sees you flirting with other women too much instead of giving her the attention.
No. 4: Don’t say nothing
One of the biggest complaints women have about going on the first date is that most guys have nothing much to say. Women claim that men are either too quiet on a date (while the woman is sitting there twiddling her thumbs) or they talk too much without really saying anything worth listening to.
So, have something to say during your date with her… which shouldn’t have anything to do with sports (unless she’s into it,) cars, ex-girlfriends/wives and how much you hate them, bragging about yourself, your work or your money, or any other crap that you would talk about with your guy friends.
You should talk about subjects that women are also interested in. These subjects can include talking about the last trip/vacation you took, something interesting or fun that you did with your family or friends, some interesting new book you’ve read (or are reading,) and so on.
Heck, you can even talk about movies, TV shows, or music, if you can’t think of anything else.
Just be interesting! And, appear to have an interesting life instead of the same ol’ humdrum existence that most men live. (This doesn’t mean that you should start bragging about what an interesting life you have. Just share some stories and experiences that are “female friendly.”
Yes, many women love to talk. But, it doesn’t mean that you should dump all the responsibility on her, to keep the conversation going. It is actually highly advisable that you come up with some interesting things to talk about before you meet her for the date.
No. 5: Do Unto Others
Making her the main focus of your evening, and giving her the attention she deserves, is great.
But, all of that stuff will mean nothing if you don’t treat others (around you) in a civil and respectful manner.
You could give her all the attention in the world. Heck, you could even treat her like a princess for the evening… But, none of that would matter or mean much if she witnesses you treating others with arrogance, anger, or with any aura of “jerkiness” about you.
How you treat other people is always a much clearer sign of who you really are.
Moreover, treating her nice and sweet while you’re being a jerk to everybody else will also make her wonder about your motives. She will see your entire “nice and sweet” behavior towards her as a ruse to get what you want out of her, without really having any genuine care or interest in her. And, that will not end well for you.
So, whatever it is that you do to others around you will be seen by her as who you really are. That means, she will believe that that’s how you are going to treat her – after you have got what you wanted from her. That means, if you want her to see you as a cool dude that she’d want to hang out with more, you’ve gotta be cool with everyone around you…not just with her.
The above five mistakes to avoid may or may not seem like a big deal to you.
But, if you’d like to greatly improve your chances of going out with her again, you may want to start paying attention to what’s shared above. There are a handful of other deadly mistakes most men tend to make on first dates, and maybe we’ll talk about that in a future report… However, if you focus on the 5 tips shared above, you will do much better than most guys out there.